Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
