Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
