Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize