butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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