so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
