We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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