Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
