he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
