My cat gives me a boner
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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