Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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