i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
