Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
this is an emotional support booty call
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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