You're my little dorito
too bad you live with your parents still
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
