there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
