Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Randomize