You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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