Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
