just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
