I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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