well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize