For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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