fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
