I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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