yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
