I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
