Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
