She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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