the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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