it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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