So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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