he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
