Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think people are normalizing furries
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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