Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
