and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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