p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
