I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
