textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
