I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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