those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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