She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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