i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize