she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
