I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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