maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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