before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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