what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize