just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize