what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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