The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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