Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
