i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
