I cut my penus on the lid.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize