she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
