u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
