Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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