I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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