We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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