we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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