I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
