Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
