I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
