I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
