I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
