a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
