There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
please come you make the beer taste better
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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