I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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