Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
