so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize