This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
