oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
