hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
