My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize