grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
