He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
