Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
