dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my being single is dangerous.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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