I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
