I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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