I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
